I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize
