i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
