Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
