Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
