i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
