some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I AM VODKA MAN
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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