He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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