Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
