Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
