apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize