Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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