Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
