i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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