you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize