Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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