I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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