so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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