I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
