Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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