I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
