You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
