Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
