youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize