it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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