Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
