Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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