i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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