At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
