get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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