i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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