singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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