Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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