What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
