farters have to be the big spoon...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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