The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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