I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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