I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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