My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
