Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
