That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How naked do you want me to be?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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