I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
