All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
