there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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