Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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