taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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