you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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