then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
