Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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