That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
