I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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