Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
