Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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