sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The air was thick with penises
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Randomize
