I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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