john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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