you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
