Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
