Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You're like the curious george of whores
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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