can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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