I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
