i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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