I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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