If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
