I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
