I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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