Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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